Showing posts from 2018

Grandma’s Lemon Yogurt Muffin cake

Late one summer when I was just a little girl, my late grandmother took me with her to the local farmer’s market. I remember that it was full of smiling people, that were picking the fresh vegetables and fruit form the rows and rows of colorful stands. There were men and women of all ages just smiling and chatting with the farmers, telling them how lovely their picks look, how great the smell of melons and watermelons are. They were parsing how big and orange the carrots were and how their soup was going to be great with the frames parsley in it. For a child it was amazing experience and I watched it all with my eyes wide open, smiled, said hello and waived to everyone who passed my grandmother and me.
But little that I know at the time that my grandmother was on mission. A were special mission to find lemons. Those fresh, ripe lemons, that smell of summer and sea side. You know, those lemons that you, when you pick them up, the start to smell right away and you know they are organic,…

To me do not write „I love you “ without

All love is written with "I love you", yet ... you do not write love to me like that.
Prancing on her toes to reach your lips, to give you that last kiss before you get out of the door to do what you are so good at, telling you: Be careful.
You are looking at me, and in your gaze, I take the opportunity to lurk into your world once again before you are gone to do another gig, set up another concert, make a new mass party ...
I have taught myself to let you go, praying to the heavens for another road marathon ends as it should and that you all get form one part of the country to another safe. From one country to another. To successfully come back from one corner of the universe and make my whole universe whole again.
I've learned to let you go and keep quiet, to you and to the world that I love you. I learned to be silent and live love. And do not talk about how much my heart misses you, and how the days without you are beautiful still, but we still feel your absence. Those d…

I do not get up in the morning for no one but me

I do not get up in the morning for anything except for myself. I do not get up in the morning because of my friends, partners, parents. I do not get up anymore because of my homeland, my religion, my rain, no worries, no problems. I do not get up with the stomach cramp, afraid of what will enchant me and what will disappoint me today. I do not get up because of the political or financial situation. I do not get up because of the wise or harsh words. Especially I am no longer waiting for someone to recognize my value today. Or do not recognize.

I do not have to get up and do not get up any more because of any compulsion imposed on the world.  I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. With the joy of the new day that has been given to me again. With the power in the eyes, the song on the lips and the fire in the chest.  Ready and safe, how can I easily handle every challenge of a new day, and that it will remain plenty of time for me to spend admiring the new day. New breaths, n…

Do you dream dreams bigger than life – and why the hell not?

You do not dream:

Because you live in Croatia?

Because the success that you wish for, no one near you has ever achieved?

Because you listen to 'I just want well for you' destructive tips?

Because after fifteen life happened and you are not sure of yourself as you were in your childhood?

Because what you want, is not 'here'?

Because your dreams do not match the phone numbers for your uncles or friends?

Because deep down you know that for dreams you need to eat shit when on the second, more secure plate they is caviar mixed with nepotism as a temporary existential solution?

Because you are stuck in your reality systems that draws you to the bottom every day?

Because you know, it is hard to stand alone in the mediocrity crowd when you can find someone to have your back?

The above written sentences are excuses and justifications why you cannot dream. Why not, one day when
we invest all of our physical and mental resources, become what we dreamed of when we were kids?


Instead of being our self-worst critic, we should be our best support.

Ever since I can remember, I was my own greatest critic. I do not need anyone to control any of my text before sending them in and assessing whether my views are wrong or true. I do not need anyone to tell me that I can do better because I know that I can always do better. If people complimented me about ideas or texts, I would have thought – what is wrong with you, I did it in 15 minutes, is not a big deal. Then I stopped and realized that it was still a big deal.
Then I recently stopped and realized how good and great things I actually did in my life, and I have not stopped and give myself an applause for longer than three seconds, or at all. Like most people who do not. How many situations I have been so strong that I did not even know you could be so strong, that I have not stopped and gave myself an applause of more than three seconds, or at all. Like most people who do not.
I did not stop and gave myself an applause of more than three seconds, or at all, for that I, even today,…

Who forbid you to be you?

In the same day, two different people answer me the same wat to the asked question: “I am doing this and that. To make my day go faster. Just to make time fly by.” The emotion behind that answer is: “I am waiting for my life to pass by. Because it is full of crap. However, I do have to live it anyway. So, I am waiting behind some stupid actions for death to come and save me.”I do not want to say I do not rest and be lazy. O, you would not believe how I can be lazy and do nothing. In my case, I call that recharging my batteries, or simple enjoyment. I just recently had some two gloomy days where I was unbearable to myself. Therefore, I was looking for anything to get me out of that intolerance.Therefore, I found some great song and I think I had listen to it for a million and a half times. So I started to dance. (You know I love to dance). And here I became more bearable, remembering that life was really brilliant. It was not life’s fault, it was my own. I was unbearable to myself. Li…

Everybody has bad days and that is ok.

After the rainy days, a sunny day came up. Then shit happened. I got an allergic rash on my face. "What do I do now?" Otherwise, I must put the powder and cover that rash when I leave the house. It does not matter to me personally; I accept myself with it. Just as I know it does not define me in any one view. I put it exclusively for other people. Not to answer questions and not to let me ... "Wait, wait," follows the inner monologue. "You do not want to put the powder on the face and you look forward to leaving the house, but you will harass and yourself and your husband while you put the powder because of other people." This voice in my head can sometimes be wise, and I realize it's right about this situation. I step outside without foundation, rash kilometric-scale on-site. Without any discomfort associated with physical appearance. It only bothers me because in moments the rash is really tremendously painful. I go into a local store and face the s…

A letter to my mom...

Mom, I would like to tell you that I am starting to understand you.
After the initial wave of happiness when you found out I was coming to you, you were overwhelmed by fear. Only a few hours after you found out that beside yours, another heart was beating, you were caught up with the magic of maternal care. You were worried if whether I'm developing properly, if I am getting weight, if you are eating enough nutrients, if you were nervous too much and if that affects me. You asked old acquaintances not to sneeze in your direction because, as you have said, you hide your pearl in yourself – and you are in fact hiding me, mom.You did not like morning crowds on the way to work. In silence you would automatically put a bag in front of you and all this, again, to protect me. All your strength was collected and left you in pain, Mom, when I saw the light of day. And that was only a drop in the sea of fears that in that moment you didn’t even think about.  Your biggest concern was whether …

Why are you afraid to stand out!?

The other day I read a column about fashion copy-paste trend in which withdrew parallels that all women are "equal in their diversity". In fact, it is not a problem in one piece of cloth that most fashion addict will wear, but where I see the challenge facing every other person is a re-examination on which side to "belong": fashionable for some Danish, Swedish, Chinese beauty of life while fleeing from Croatian dystopia because Denmark was until now only seen on postcards, but it is modern to be criticized for everything that has to do with the mainstream and everyone only takes from life what only fits you.
In this case, I take the third philosophy into focus.
Philosophy: I live and I create my own rules of my own life.
I believe that we all want to live the way we visualize it in our heads without any limitation of the circumstances, the limitation from the people whowish us well only when we do not stand out and we are not exploiting the maximum of our potentia…

Does the women have to become a bitch to be successful?

Should a woman become a bitch to achieve goals?
In a society where I live naming a women bitch leaves a negative connotation because it is common opinion that she is the one who exploits others and chooses no means to get what she wants or she is considered the one who exploits men.
In another context, the bitch is a woman who has power and dominance in the business world.
Is the notion of bitch just reducing the independence and emancipation of a woman?
At the beginning, there was the women's magazine and I really like women's magazines. But the more I read them the more I ask myself what we serve and to what extent. Most of the journals and the portal today that women are reading serve us fashion articles, then beauty and fitness, and finally about male-female relationships.
Perhaps my attitude is too radical, but as I sorted the columns in them, I believe that they subconsciously are leading in the direction: when you …

Do not let yourself stop before you go

A few months ago, I began a mind game with myself, and it's called Define what you're scared of. Every day I take ten minutes and think about what I'm afraid except of Scorpius, and I add some fears to that list. At first they were typical human fears - loss of vision, hearing and memory. I am not afraid of my own death because I'll be dead anyway and it will definitely be worse for those who stay behind me.
My fear lies in panic thinking that one day I will forget who I am, what I have been doing so far, who are the people who made my life special. I thinking what if I can no longer plug headphones into my ears and boost my Paradise City feeling like I'm sixteen and thinking what if I do not remember one what I have been experiencing while waiting for those movie moments that I thought were only possible in the heads of creative scriptwriters.What if one day my tattoos remain just a symbol of a time !?
These are all assumptions that if one day, and yet at times we f…

Do not let anybody convict you cannot do something

We all know that famous saying “sky is the limit” and we know that even more famous that we do not believe in that, which is not that surprising because we are constantly surrounded by professional demotivates. You cannot enroll in dance school, because you are too late, but I finished two grades in one year and finished it. You cannot learn for the exam the evening before, but half of the exams are learned the night before.
There are people, who tell us that we cannot do anything because we are too ordinary, because we are too fat, because we are too ugly, because we are too lazy, and these people are poisonous to us, no matter how beautiful, educated, charming, tall, blue-eyed or funny they are.
When Shakira wanted to join the singing choir as a kid, her demotivate told her she could not be part of his fairy angelic choir because it sounds like a goat. On one side, Dostoyevsky talked about how "all the ideals of the world are not worth the tears of one child". But on the ot…